I have a dear friend (50+ years) that I am having a problem with. She has a heart of gold and generally would give you the shirt off her back. However, she has a major problem with forgiveness. Something happened a few years ago with some mutual friends from Texas that was so horrible that I hesitate to even describe it. The perpetrator committed a felony and should have spent the rest of his life in prison. He died a few years later seemingly of natural causes. He never seemed to regret what he had done. The incident split up a family but no charges were filed. My friend cannot forgive the family or friends of the family because she feels the perpetrator should have been incarcerated. I certainly agree but there was nothing I or she could have done and especially living so far away from the whole scenario. The problem I have now is that she carries this anger and bitterness around to the point that if anyone even remotely involved with the case comes up in a conversation or heaven forbid personally, she goes into a screaming, cursing fit. I have tried to tell her how this is hurting her. As Buddha is credited with saying, “Trying to injure someone you feel has hurt you is like grabbing a hot coal with your bare hands with the intention of throwing it at that person.” Guess who gets burned? When you carry that much anger against someone you are just giving that person that much more control over your own life.
I personally have suffered harm from others at times (who hasn’t) and it took me years to realize how carrying this around with me was just a burden that I didn’t need. There are many things that happen to us through the years that we certainly can’t forget but for our own well being we certainly can forgive. Once I realized the power of forgiveness, I also became a much better and happier person. That doesn’t mean I have to continually associate with people that hurt me or people that pull me down in any way. I don’t and hopefully you don’t. But if you can love and respect yourself you can live a much happier life.
This is a heavy subject and I would love to hear responses.
Thank you for listening.
