So you are in a “long term” type of relationship. At first, everything is so fun and exciting that you do not even notice little things that might annoy you. For instance, your mate claws at the back of his neck because he seems to have inflammation back there that actually becomes scabby! Or your mate does not put the toilet seat down after using it to urinate. One friend told me that her “man” actually sprayed urine around the bathroom. Another friend told me that her “man” insisted on the toilet paper rolling forward, NEVER backward. Well, you get the picture. As time goes by, maybe even years, little things become big conflicts. How in this world do you handle these issues? My advice is to make a list of all the things that bother you and have your mate make his/her list also. Then, after a meal sometime when you are both relaxed and calm, sit down and go over the lists. You might be surprised at some things your mate puts down. The same is true with him/her. But, the trick is to calmly discuss the issues. If this gets out of hand, stop immediately. You will not solve anything in the midst of a fight. In fact you could make everything worse. One of you must calmly state that you need to set up another session when you can both be calm. You might also exchange the list so that each person can look it over at a later time. Relationships take a lot of compromise. You might, for instance, state something you would be willing to change for something your mate agrees to change. Another idea is to remember how much you care about your mate to the point you are willing to ignore it. For instance, my husband insist that our good knives and a few other kitchen things be hand washed rather than put in the dishwasher. I am of the opinion that if something “has” to be hand washed, find and use an alternative. Actually, I leave some things out of the dishwasher for him to hand wash or I might just hand wash them. I just don’t want to make an issue of it. He does so many little things to help me that hand washing a few things just is not worth a fight. But there are many, many everyday things that can crop up and cause conflicts. Talking about these things can be very therapeutic and help with bonding. Compromising can be extremely helpful. Sometimes you may lose a battle but win a war! If situations become major, though, you need to get counseling. When you love and trust your mate, you can and should do everything you can to make it work.
I hope this is helpful. I would love to hear from you on this issue.
